Way too long since I've posted

It's been way too long since I've posted. Sometimes I think I honestly don't have that much to say but I do. But I really like to kind of hold back because this blog isn't a rant blog, it's a blog about observations on life and the way we treat one another.
So much hurt in this world, there doesn't need to be another place where people rip each other to shreds. Let that be for those fake "reality shows" that most people love to watch. I feel I'm above that. I don't think I'm better than anyone but I'm better than that. And so are you that are reading this right now.

Let's give ourselves some peace in our lives, just a little. If you can give yourself a lot, "GREAT!" I want you to have it because if you can give it to yourself than you can share that gift with others when they are feeling down and out. I don't like to see or hear about others hurting but we can't stop that can we? We can be there and console but that sometimes is just good enough. And so it goes, "we are good enough" Actually "we are good" truly.  Just let yourself remember that little true bit of self advice. It's a gift from you to you and from me to me and however you want to give it away. "I am good just the way I am" "I don't want to hurt anyone else and I sure as heck don't want to hurt myself"

"The pain has to end... let's start that now, if you/we can"

A new post coming soon

A new post will be coming soon on here.

Just letting you folks know I haven't forgotten here.

Hopefully I can spew out some more babbling of a raving idiot mad man again shortly. I always have something to say about something; whether it be relevant or not.

Thanks for staying in tune for those of you that do!

Sincerely,
Armando

friendships, the important things in life

It has been well over a week since my last posting and a bit way too long for my liking.

(DISCLAIMER!)
"Forgive me for any grammatical errors, misuse of wording, etc..." I write in bursts of energy and I get very enthusiastic about what I write when I feel it's so important to be said or written!"

Today, I want to post on something that lately I have been holding dearly to my heart, our friendships that we have with special people in our lives. Some of us have very special people in our lives in which we confide just about anything and everything with. These relationships are not by accident; they happen for reason that I really feel are beyond our control. Not like I'm writing they are forced upon ourselves without our permission, "NO!" But they are presented to us as a gift to allow ourselves to be completely authentically ourselves. In these times now, most times due to things like work especially, we are not really truly allowed to be authentically ourselves. Most of us put up false fronts to make nice and keep the peace and allow the status quo to continue on its path as usual.
But with our true friendships that we allow in our lives, we go beyond all that bull crap that we deal with on a daily basis.
I will admit yesterday was not a great day for me, some stuff that came to light about others at work that really put me in a kind of bad space; but I allowed that to be. I cannot blame anyone for how I feel but myself, in any situation. You can never blame anyone for how you feel; you can only accept how you feel for any given situation by how you react to it. Saying to someone else "That person made me so mad" for example is completely not true. If you read into what you might have said in for instance that example, you are truly saying that you gave up your "own power" to this person and let their circumstances dictate to you how you should feel. And that's not why we should let things, no matter how bombshell or not they can be. If the truth that we inevitably find out comes to disturb us in some form or another; I don't say "don't let it bother you, let it roll off your back" No, that wouldn't be fair to say to me nor anyone for that matter. You can get upset and feel like "Damn that person!!" But from there, take that feeling of helplessness because that's exactly what you are feeling helplessness and then find something else in your life that gives you joy. Joy is the most important luxury in life that some of us do not allow ourselves to have, me including. Joy comes in many different forms. It could be a visualization of a place you want to be at, at that very moment, a feeling of safety, a material object that provides you with visual pleasure, a smell of something that gives you a feeling of comfort (for me it's the smell of orange blossoms), whatever it is, think of that. Let that feeling of joy be your catalyst to move past the feeling of helplessness.

Yesterday as I wrote I stumbled upon something that really bothered me. I found out something about someone making more money than I did; not like they didn't deserve to make this rather astronomical amount of money. But just the mere thought that they, too, did what I current did and now are levels beyond where I am now, just put my feelings in a tizzy.
What I did do to get out of this feeling of hopelessness was to do something about it. I emailed friends, I called friends and then eventually called the most important friend I have in my life, my best friend. A friend that I had lost touch with a long time ago, almost 8 year ago to be exact. But for reason other than fate, we reconnected. I'm grateful for that. But after discussing with my best friend my feelings of "being undervalued" (in some words more or less), I then got taken away from the thoughts of feeling like I was "less than" and whisked off away into our days of youthful foolishness, observations of our own lives as they had unfolded during the time we were apart and how those observations have given us much more wisdom into our current situations. I can say that my best friend is dealing with a lot on their plate; more than most of us can and would want to deal with; but I have such high regard for my best friend's tenacity, true inner verve for life, deep love and admiration for their friends in their life. I think things like that really keep us folks going when things get tough in life. You hit a bump in the road and then you are totally whacked out of your equilibrium and who helps you get your bearings back? "Your best friend in the whole wide world!" The one person that understands you, as close and as good enough as your partner/spouse/significant other/what have you in your life.
After talking to my best friend yesterday for almost over a half hour while I was doing some personal business; all my cares and worries about what was ailing me just withered away. "Ahhh.. the power of true friendship"
True friends don't care about how you look like, what you are wearing, what you are doing for a living, etc... they just care and love you because they JUST DO!
I never thought I would have this connection again. I am not downplaying the fact that I have made some really good deep new friendships in my life since the absence of my best friend that came back into my life again recently.
"No, my new friendships that I cherish very dearly as well, really matter to me as well"
I always try to treat all of my really good friends with the same level of respect, care in hearing their feelings, keeping in their confidences as if I was their "father confessor" which I truly feel like I am being and I take pride in the fact that I will truly keep their confidences. This is key to me in maintaining good friends, honest caring loving friends.

We have so many people in our lives. Some people we like to call "friends" just because we see them every day but "Are they?"

Most people, me included, have "friends" that we converse on a daily basis due to what we do in our lives at the present moment which is usually work. We discuss work things, stuff about people at work, why certain things at work bother us, why did this person get such and such?, what we think we know that could make things so much better at our jobs if only they listened to you, etc... the list goes on.

We do and can make some pretty substantial friends at our workplaces. Some of us can make friends at work that have really deepened our lives immensely.

I, for on and I am being honest here, do not like to look for my best friends or true friends at my workplace. For me, my work place is a place that is always subject to change like the weather report. I get bored very easy and need to change the scenery and when that times comes, I take action. As of now, I haven't done much to take action and that bothers me most immensely. "Do any of you feel the same?"
Well, I have one or maybe two people at work that I can say with honest, I can call "friends". And one most definitely, I considered "a true friend", a person that I can confide my most inner feelings about stuff that's going on there but what's even better, stuff that's not work related! I swear if all you can talk about amongst with each other, those that have more work friends than friends outside of work, is work then "these people" you call "friends" that you have only through work, "They ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS!" That is just my general life held observation! I don't care if some of you will disagree with what I wrote but to me and it has been for me, "It's TRUE!"
If I can't talk anymore than just "shop talk" with any of the "friends" I have made on the job and nothing more; well, then, "you truly are not my friend in the truest sense of the word"
That is one big pet peeve for me, "shop talk" Talking about it off hours away from the place that  we have all have in common. When I'm away from work, I want to discuss things that are different, fun, joyous, completely off the radar than about what my boss is thinks about me!

Work is just an extension of what we are meant to do for that very moment, it's not a life's sentence. It's just part of where we are at for the time being. I think we all need to move in different directions when we have learned important lessons in life after being working somewhere.

It truly amazes me how long some folks work for companies; 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, 25 years, 30 years! "Is this a bad thing in my book?" Well, "no" I wouldn't say it was truly. But for me, personally speaking, and I am definitely not amongst the norm of society, I feel like if you don't change things like work in your life after 10 or even 15 years, then you are not growing as an individual. We were put on this planet to learn things, different things, when we learn them, we move on and then we learn even more newer things for our own self growth and the enrichment for others in our lives. I think if we continually do the same thing for many years, we just do not grow as people. That is how I personally feel. I know that some that may be reading this might think I'm being very close minded about saying that and it may sound that way. But I think I'm being honest and more open minded about it than you or anyone is honestly willing to admit.
I was at a truly boring work meeting yesterday and they were honoring people for working many years with the company. While I was there sitting, listening, I was quite amazed by it all.  I did think "Good for them, they found their niche!"  But I was also thinking "My, don't you have anymore desire to move on forward in your life and grow in even more substantial ways and directions than just this current station in life  that you are living?" That's how I think.
Like I said, I don't think like the rest of everybody. If I do think like some others might do, "Great to know I'm not alone with these thoughts, feelings and my attitude! Welcome to my world!"

Also while I sat at this meeting yesterday, I sat there and thought to myself "I really don't feel a part of this big group of people at all" I had this feeling of not feeling this inner connection that most of the people in this room felt with one another at all.  And believe me, there were/are many that were in that room that had this really close affinity to one another.  Part of me felt a tad jealous about their admiration for one another but then a BIG part of me felt this HUGE relief to know "I'm here as an observer, this isn't going to be the place to lay my hat at for a very long time as most of these people have" I will admit I have been in my current job for 5 years now. This is absolutely thee longest held job for me at this stage in my life. I have been in the same work field a total of soon to be 15 years this upcoming December. 15 years. That's a long time. "Do I want to do be doing this for another 15 years?" My answer would be most definitely "No" Because I honestly feel this true inner specialness about myself, and I hope that there are others out there that feel this same way like I do, I really want to change the course of my life and do something different, learn some new lessons or at least, put myself into a different realm to learn what I have already and put the lessons learned into practice this time. As a person, now 40, I'm still considered young by some and old by others; but I have gained a lot of knowledge that I think whatever direction I go into, I will definitely be more "authentically" myself now than I would've been at age 20. At age 20, I was so young, wanting to be loved and have friends and do anything there could be to keep and maintain them. Now after having learned some of the "ins and outs" of what "true friendship" is all about; I can definitely take it or leave it with some of the useless drama of life that some folks unfortunately hold onto like it's their life's blood sadly.

I have kind of gotten off base here so bear with me as I gather my bearings here on the topic at hand, "friendships" True friends, friends that you can count on no matter what even in your darkest hours will be there. And so you will be there for them as well. You and your true friends have this inner knowing of love and respect for one another. You treat each other, hopefully, with the same principle, "You treat others the way you want to be treated". That's how I feel and think. I treat friends, I hope, the way way I want to be treated and I hope it's a two way street because in this life, "It NEEDS to be a two way street" because if it's not "GET OFF THAT DAMNED ROAD!" "You have better roads (friends) to be traveling on!"

I had a really good conversation last weekend with my sister and she talked to me about a long time friend of hers, one that she has had since elementary school. This friend of hers has been a friend off and on for many years. Her friend was and is a pretty private person, her choice and that's okay. My sister is a very caring, gregarious individual, she tries to take the time to listen to you; if she doesn't so happen to be caught up all in her own drama (Forgive me sis, I have to call it like it is! But I love you!) But my sis was having a dilemma with this long time friend of hers. She was telling me how every time she tried to ask her long time friend for specific details about what her long time friend was ailing her, her long time friend would tell her "Well, I don't think you need to know that info" (said those words more or less, not exactly) and how this really put my sis at a loss as to "How do I even be there for a friend that doesn't allow me to be a part of it by hiding details about themselves to me?" Then as our conversation progressed, she told me about her long time friend mentioning that she was on Facebook and her long time friend telling her all about the friends they had together from elementary and high school she had reconnected with again. My sis was quite amazed. My sis' long time friend said that these mutual friends had posted pictures of the past on their profile pages and what fun it was to see pictures of the old days. My sis then asked her long time friend of hers, "So were there any pictures of us with any of these old friends?" And then this long time friend of my sis' said the one thing that I would say would be something totally callous to say to a "true friend" My sis' long time friend said "Well, if you were around for a good ten years long time ago in my life, you might be in some of the pictures I had seen on these friends on Facebook's profiles" That sentence was very telling to my sis and myself. My sis was rather hurt by that sentence and if any of you can imagine if you have ever heard an uttering of something in this similiar vein, the pure daggers this utter meant; you can maybe see where I'm going with this story,  I hope.

Well, after my sis told me about this last conversation with her long time friend and what she said, I asked my sis, "Well, that was quite uncalled for" "Did your long time friend really think it was necessary to make you feel bad about a lapse in time they had as cause for ammunition to get back at you for your lives moving in different directions as they did?" Because to me, and hopefully you too can see, that exactly what it was. My sis' long time friend was getting back to her because their friendship stopped unexpectedly, not to my sis' choice nor I'm sure to even her long time friend's either, and they moved in different directions as some of our friends do. We all move in different directions and we all move a different speeds in life. Some of us grow, some of us don't, some of us don't ever talk again to one another because of a "defining incident" But when we do reconnect, we all have this inner hope that whatever happened to have stopped our dialogue in the past, due to whatever reasons those were, that we won't have a "friend' rub in our faces the reason why, in this particular case with my sis; in a very unknown reason (my sis still doesn't know what she did to this long time friend to cause her to lash out as she did?), we lost touch with one another. Forgive me if my thoughts here get jumbled and if you are trying to decipher through my writing here.
Well, in the end, I told my sis, "you didn't do anything wrong. You life moved in a different direction and it wasn't intentional that you both stopped talking. This long time friend is just acting out against you because they felt hurt by your loss in communication with you both. This, I can say I do understand deeply, but when it all comes down to it, if we can let go of the past with all of its hurts and junk, we all can move forward in our "friendships" and become better people from it.
My sis then did go onto say "Well, you know who did leave me a voicemail message not too long ago after that conversation and wanted me to call her back?" "Should I?" I told her "Well, you can but you don't have to. This friend did hurt your feelings, whether intentional or not, it's up to you to allow them in your life. And when you think of all the things your friend doesn't allow you to be a part of, their true thoughts, feelings, real life events, etc... Do you want them to be a friend of yours?" I told my sis "Just because you have been friends since elementary school doesn't mean you have to be friends for life. They way this friend rubbed your face about the lack of dialogue you hadn't had for over a decade shouldn't be the something you have to worry about because if it happened this time; it will happen again. This friend has some true inner animosity towards you. "Do you want that?" My sis told me "No" And so it goes, "We can CHOOSE our "true friends" and know who they are by how they treat us!"
My sis had also, on the same subject but a different friend (my own best friend to be more exact) told me she talked to my best friend and they had a good conversation and my best friend or my sis, doesn't matter who said it, but it was THEE MOST IMPORTANT THING one can want to hear a "true friend" say "OMG, I feel like we just picked up where we left off long time ago; it's like we are still on the same connection again and I feel like I'm home again"

Now that to me truly defines what a "true friend" is in your life. No judgements, pure honesty and life continues again where it left off if you had lost touch and reconnected again (for those of us that had this happen to them), and even if you had constant contact with your most "truest friends" and there is that constant feeling of "we're on the same wavelength" TREASURE IT! It's a GIFT!

I'm glad I received a gift again with my oldest best friend in the whole wide world. It gives me great consolation that there are people in our lives that truly do make a difference to us personally.

Okay, I think it's time for me to wrap things up for now; I hope to write more stuff again soon and much sooner at that. I think I touched a lot of subjects in this posting that I wasn't able to completely tie up and I want to.

My mind is ever flowing with so many truly honestly good things to say; stuff I mean and feel with the deepest inner most of my being.

I hope that some of what I wrote today will resonate with you. Even if it doesn't, that's okay. Think of it as future "food for thought"

All my love and deep admiration to you all,
Armando

A new post coming soon

Just posting that I have something new to write about soon.

I have not given up on this new blogging thing for me here!

"I'm still here GOD-DAMMIT!"

More time, don't we wished we had it? Being grateful with those around us or not for that matter!

I will say that I have a lot of things swirling around my head when I'm in most busiest states like "I'm on the treadmill" or I am about to go to sleep. Two times when I have the most peace and quiet and I really think stuff out. I wished I had a pad and paper or this computer keyboard with me so I could write out what I'm thinking; but alas I do not.

I want to post more and I will. But, for at least, this morning, I will write, "This won't won't be a one hit to few hit wonder for me" on writing.

Being a writer or trying become one has alway been something I wanted to do; allowing myself to write something worthwhile. While, of course, my subject matter about "life" does seem like a tall order to serve up; it isn't really. It is just me being honest about what I think about it. Which, at times, I am having a hell of a time with it; it's not fun; it's not what I thought it would be when I thought being an "adult" should be as a kid, it's not this or that, the list goes on.

Life isn't fair and sometimes I think we play a huge part in that, believe it or not. We may not think we're a player in this game of life and how we move our game piece matters; but it does. I know I could've picked a different game in life or picked a better game piece like that cool little hot rod in the game of Monopoly! But I didn't. But I can choose different now; we all can. Life can still be unfair as it is; but we don't have to be "a victim" to it any longer. "Why?"

I like to just move on, in my head literally, and try to allow the things that irk me roll off my back. Sometimes this is a hard thing to do; but it is possible when things are rough going. This past week, the past two days have been kind of rough; a lot expected of me and given some latitude with less interruption "GREAT!" But there's always a price you pay if you don't give out results.

"Results" do they really mean a lot if they are not results that you choose for yourself? "No, not really" But if you need a paycheck and the other choice is possibly the unemployment line, "I'm sure you'll put up with petty results" Okay, I'm sounding a bit negative here and that's not quite the feeling I want go give off here; like I said "This is not going to be a rant blog" and it's not.

But I do like to observe and call things for what they are. Sometimes "numbers are numbers" and "numbers are diddly squat" in my book. They don't really truly measure the individual at all. They don't show how hard the person truly is doing what they are doing, how truly in earnest they are doing a good job done well. But these times that we live in, that doesn't appear to matter anymore. "Kind of sad, huh?"

I try to not let get me down and nor should you. The pendulum always swings back and forth and in time, whatever is pulling your hair out will go out the door to be replace with some peace for a short while. But never feel stuck in what you are doing because like I said before "nothing is forever"

Yesterday I felt this strange great sadness in my heart; I couldn't get it out of my mind and my pit of my stomach till I called my mom; whom I had neglected to call for the past two weeks (I know "bad son!") But I don't want to make myself feel bad about that aspect; I got to talk to my mom and then things started to kind of lift up sadness wise. I realized that what was making me sad was my putting myself into isolation of the ones that love me in my life.

Recently I had reconnected with a very good friend and that friend of mine was a very good friend, we did all kinds of stuff together that best friends do and we lost touch almost over 8 years ago till recently. Things have been rough for my friend. I got to a point where I allowed myself to forgive myself for letting the friendship fall to the wayside. I always thought it was me that created the drift apart but lo and behold "it wasn't me" It was just "time" Lives change in different paths and we do move on whether we want to or not. We try hard to hold onto the present with some friends but some situations are truly "beyond our control" We drift apart because of "special circumstances" They are not what we want to happen but they do. But we must not allow ourselves to mire in guilt for these things happening.

But as that prodigal son story from the bible, "the prodigal son is welcomed back with open arms" and open arms is how I felt with my reconnection with my long lost best friend. I wished things were going better for him but for the time I have him; I'm grateful that he is here and he is grateful to just hear my voice on the phone. That little bit, a small step in reconnecting with a past life is worth more to me than a damned bottle of pricey cologne which I'm always clamoring for. The objects of desire that had me enthralled seem to have been pulled off to the wayside for more important things like friendship, keeping in better in touch with family members, being there for your spouse/partner, being there for the important things in life.

Because in the end, what it all boils down to "numbers don't mean NOTHING" They don't give you the true measure of the individual.  We do that for each other as individuals for one another. How we treat each other matters more than "numbers" "Numbers" do matter in other things; but not when it comes to the way we treat one another.

"Lord, knows there are many people in my life I could honestly do without seeing every day" and I/we can't do a single thing it because since we have to due to it being work or some other type of situation. It's like the saying goes with family, "you can't choose your family members" Sometimes you wished you could have but you can't.  I can say I am very blessed that my family members, even though they do have their issues at times, I am glad they are part of my family.  I know some of us are not so fortunate and that sort of pains me but "we can't fix everything and everyone in life" This I can say is that we at "be there" and listen for those few/many like they can do the same for you that you. Just be there for them as they would be they for you. Plain and simple.

Sometimes we have people in our lives, whether they be near or far, family or friend or acquaintance of some sort and they just seem so hard to penetrate, in regards, to helping them get through their particular current quandary in life. You try to console but they don't listen. All you can do is let them be. You can listen or can choose not to listen (pretend you're on the phone or in an email write "uh-huh, oh yeah") and just "be there" even for those "lost folks" For hopefully one day, they will "get it" and move on in their own lives.

Being stuck, literally royally sucks. I know LITERALLY. I'm there at this point in my life but that same phrase comes into my mind every day that keeps me going "nothing is forever" remember that phrase. "Really"

Because even when it feels like you're going through the darkest of times, always know there really is that proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel" ahead.  It is there, if you want it to be.  Or it might not be because you're not allowing yourself to see it? You know what is true for you.

Today is just another day in this life and even though I don't expect it be "fantastically wonderful" I know it's just another day where I will do my best and move on. And from there, even with me writing about this right now, this in some ways could be a catalyst to change for my own self as the same for you reading this. You just do not know what is around the corner and sometimes that is a really good thing to know. Good, bad or indifferent, knowing that something different around the corner is a lot better than being stuck in a state of stagnation. I love movement. Movement means you're "moving on" "DUH! as most will say when reading this!"

Nothing is more wonderful to know that you are never stuck where you're at in life. It's just a matter of when you're ready to pick up your stuff and move on over a space or two or three or four or more to get to where you want to be. Just doing something whether it be looking for another line of work or simply changing your mind about something can make a huge difference in the direction you will be moving on in your life.  These same words also keep in me check because, I too, need to hear them, read them. We all have some pretty good advice to give to others "Why not take our own for a change?"

"Couldn't hurt, couldn't it?"

Well, those are my few or many words for today. I didn't think that I had that much in me for this morning "Well Thank God/Universe/Whatever and Whomever Watches this Life" for that!"

I thank you for reading.

Sincerely and with love,
Armando

I've been around "a block"

Oh, man, thinking of what I started yesterday, posting up this blog, last evening had me think

"Did I do the right thing?"

"Posting a blog about "life" "What kind of true inner wisdom do I have to share that would be more important for others to read coming me than what others already do in this realm?" 

"Am I outstretching myself with lofty ideas & thoughts that might be considered "phooey" to some or most?" 

"Oh lord, probably" But in the end, it all doesn't matter. I don't mean that in a negative way. 

"Do what you want and just feel good doing it"

"Feel you are doing something that might be going out towards the greater good of things" 

I always try to keep that in mind. 

This isn't just going to be "It's All About Me" blog. I can't be and I won't allow it to be. I'll just use some of my own experiences to outline the subjects I do want to discuss, the ones that I think truly matter about life. 

As I wrote yesterday about being "authentically" being myself, "Am I personally?" 

I think I am getting there, slowly but surely. I have had my share of personal setbacks; but I think those setbacks have made me stronger and given me some great perspective into the what some might call the "psyche" of life. 

I'm not a writer here. So don't expect great prose and verse from this guy. But I may get better in time though. I think with more practice writing, some of my skills will get better in time. As they say "practice makes perfect (or really "proficient" is the more operative truer word to use. There is no such thing as "perfect" that word to me is an illusion, unreal, false)"

I am just a man that just wants to post stuff in his own forum on what he feels is most important; "this life we're living now" 

The last thing I want to sound and come across like is a "self help book" I have had my share of reading those long time ago and while some did resonate to me and while many words and phrases still stick to my mind like gum to your shoe; not everything said in those books by authors like Marianne Williamson or Louise Hay really are not completely filled with all the best advice one can do change their own lives. I am not down valuing their intentions nor their teachings. They have been quite beneficial in my own personal growth.

I am definitely not going to say I'm going to be the one that will break that barrier down in making huge impacts in this life we live. 

I do want to aspire to be in line with their stream of thought though. I have to admit. I have always admired higher minded thinking. Thinking on terms of what is the "greater good" for us and those around us. 

I've been around "a block" "I have been around my own block" so to speak or write in this case. 

I may have not been out of the country yet nor been to the East Coast for that matter, but I have been "around my own block" meaning my own life for quite some time. I had made some pretty stupid mistakes in the past but I have also made some pretty good decisions too. 

I think learning from one's "own block" is a great starting point in where we want to be in our lives. 

"What is that you have been doing over and over and to no effect at all?" 

Has there been a situation, issue, person, whatever it is, where you have been doing what you thought was right and yet felt you made no head way into a breakthrough. 

"Do you give up?" 

I would say that it's never a bad thing to give up if something hasn't worked that you have tried so much on. 

Giving up is only just "letting go" and "letting go" is something we need to do more often. 

Sometimes the idea of "letting go" can be pretty scary. Very intensely scary, indeed. You might feel as you're a failure of sorts for giving up on something that you feel was so worthy of your time and effort. 

I know I have felt this way about somethings I have put all my energies into. But when you realize what the current status quo truly is and has anything you've done been to some extent successful in not changing the status quo in your favor; well then count yourself "blessed" YOU MADE IT. 

For some of us (mostly all of us) that continually doing the proverbial "banging your head against the wall" trying to continue to make things right whether whatever tactics we use to get to the end of the means, it might be give you some solace that "giving up" and/or "letting go" will give you some great relief and comfort. Giving up on something you feel strongly about will allow you to think of what you were trying to accomplish, "What it worth it?" "Did I get any pay-off from my efforts?" "Did it change other mind(s) to think as I do?" "Do I feel that I was truly doing what was best for the situation or matter with my intentions?" 

These are many questions you can ask yourself here on this subject. 

"I won't continue to go into the endless questions there are, you get the picture" 

For me "letting go", I am literally surrendering to whatever the way things are. 

Surrendering or just the words itself is again pretty scary stuff to allow one's self to do. It's allowing yourself to be vulnerable.  Being vulnerable to others and even ourselves can be scary because it allowing ourselves to be open to all the forces that we think are against us; at least in our minds "forces" that we think are against us. But in all reality, there are none. They are only "forces" that we have allowed our minds to think that are there.  And believe me, there is no greater enemy to our minds than OUR OWN MINDS. Only we create the experiences we live in right in the here and now. 

Once the "letting go" part has been started, "Where do you go from there?" Well, my answer would be anywhere and any place you want to, figuratively speaking and sometimes this might mean literally!" Some choices we make in our lives are pretty heavy ones and some are pretty small ones; but regardless, they all mean a lot since if they didn't we wouldn't be so wound up and invested in them "Am I right?" 

It's funny how even the most smallest of things that we have invested so much time & effort into, and realizing the outcome didn't work out the way we wanted and then to realize all we needed to do was "let go" WAS one of our biggest barriers in life! No matter how small or big, there are many barriers that we put up to hope we get what we want; even if it holds us back. 

Do not berate yourself for this kind of behavior, just give yourself a pat on the back that you allowed  yourself "let go" of the baggage you have held so long onto. It's okay. 

I have personally allowed myself to hold grudges in the past against others that I felt have wronged me. I did my share of pouting & literal ignoring of these people to show my angst against them. And "did it  change matters?" "Hell, no!" 

Life just went on while I stood there posturing like a child that need to be put back in line or really told "It's okay, not this time. Next time and even next time, think even bigger and better" But I had to allow myself to do what I did because if I didn't, even though it was a complete waste of my energy and time, it gave me some great insight into the importance and even the lack of importance we put into things and situations in life. We need to feel those emotions of defeat, loss, pain, anger, they are all valid feelings for us to have. 

"Why do we hold onto some things for dear life like they are our life's blood?" 

Because it's easy and it's comforting and it's what we do as humans to feel like we're in control. 

Being in control is for some of us, a very important thing to be in and for some of us, we allow to give up our own control in our life to others

I will honestly say I do come from the latter of the two groups. I was brought up not allowing the power of any control in my life. I do not blame my parents nor myself here at all. They did what they thought was best for me and it was what they knew and they loved me unconditionally (what else can one ask more for?). I just never allowed myself to have control of my own life younger. I just let things come and go as they may, hoping that my life would go in a nice safe direction. And believe me, it didn't at all in the beginning whatsoever. It wasn't till I decided (me finally taking control, "deciding") that I wanted to love myself more and allow myself to know that I only deserve the best in this life, did my life truly change for the better. And so it did, my life changed immensely and almost whirlwind. Realizing this happening to me, it really gave me great pause in the true power I and we have inside as an individuals. 

I know this sounds kind of counter to my discussion on "letting go" just a few paragraphs ago; but "I'll tie these two together shortly, just give me some space here to get to that junction, okay!"

Well, after realizing the immense power I have within myself to change things in my own life like losing weight (in my mid 20's, still always a struggle but a most welcomed challenge) and obtaining the most loving and wonderful partner that I am sharing a life with for almost 15 years now, I can say that we as human beings have such huge power, more than we can absolutely fathom. Most of us don't even consider that this could be true or are too afraid to consider it because it sounds too fantastical like some fantasy; but it is true, we truly harness the biggest force of power there is than anything else in this world. 

Of course, harnessing this power also means "commitment"; which for some of us, it can be an easy thing to do and for a lot of us, depending on what we are committing to, a terribly difficult thing to do. 

I can say that from my own personal experience, I have a great capacity for commitment in some areas of my life. I am going to try to challenge myself to apply that same "commitment" to harness that same power I have used before to make the changes again so I can move into the direction I want it to go to; whatever and wherever that might be. 

As I always to tell myself and continue to do so I say "You are never stuck" "Nothing is forever" and yet another cliche phrase "All good and bad things shall come to pass" 

Now back to this tying of the "letting go" part with the "commitment" part, Well, as we all know, we continue to ponder about our past efforts of making things & changing things and realizing that they were not working at all; thus the need for us to "let go" of something that most of us are afraid of doing (me included). But it's an absolutely necessary part of the growth process. Now think of what it is that you are doing that just is not working at all; work, a relationship, a difficult situation with a family member, an beloved pet that you're trying to train to do right, etc.. whatever it is! and just allow yourself the relief of "letting go" of that situation. Feel the release and allow to let whatever else that you might feel, even the fear part come in. 

Continue to let yourself feel all the emotions of what it is you're feeling about "letting go" let them fall off of you like waves hitting a beach or use whatever kind of visualization imagery that works for you. Then as as time goes on, let yourself to feel the peace inside, the quiet strength of which it is start to envelope you. Don't be afraid of it. If you continue to hear that "crazy static thinking" going on still, let it be as it is, it will shall pass in time. You may need to do this a few times to come to that place of clarity. "Lord, I am sounding like a self help book like Shakti Gawain's Creative Visualization!" "Forgive me!" "But humor me here, okay!"

Let the feeling of "letting go" be as it is; slowly feel the weight being lifted. Then allow yourself to think "What do I really want now?" I know this kind of sounds like you're backtracking but you're not. You are just asking yourself a question that is a valid one. "Were you only trying to make the past situation where you were in wanting only a pay-off that would benefit you?" If so, then you kind of hit pay dirt in my opinion. 

Now then think to yourself, "Did I want the situation/person, thing, whatever to be happy?" If you can answer yes to this, well, then you're still on the right track. If you can't answer this question with a "yes" then now ask yourself this now "What did you want really to happen in that particular situation?" "Was it to make only you feel better while the other person/situation/thing, whatever, etc... was to be in your control?" Well, now that doesn't sound like a good place to be in, "You think?" "Do you really want to play God/the Universe, whatever you believe in, etc...?" 

If so, really think deep and hard if you are not allowing yourself to have happiness or even remote satisfaction that you are doing what is best for all parties involved. Because in the end, it's not all about YOU but in most ways it IS! Very contradictory but very important to know and distinguish them apart. 

You as an individual really need to know how important you are; first and foremost. You as a person that only finds satisfaction in knowing all and being in control, well, as good as it might feel at any given moment, you really are not all that in control of whom are you really. At least, this comes from my own experience. I may be coming off as completely off-base here by my statement wrote above but "really?" 

Now that you have allowed yourself to "let go" are you willing to "commit" yourself to allowing yourself to be more happy or even remotely for that matter? I never want to say we are all going to be truly ecstatically happy here in this life because that statement, of itself as a whole, IS a complete fabrication of the world of Madison Avenue & advertising that was been pushed down our throats for many years/decades now, in my opinion. 

Happiness is elusive but it can be caught sometimes like a butterfly in a jar. It might not be there always but always be aware of its existence and allow it to enter into your life when it makes it appearance.  "Welcome it into your life like an old friend that you haven't seen in a long time" 

Give yourself the chance to feel that feeling. Fleeting as some beautiful moments in time are including happiness, "Wouldn't you want to at least enjoy it while it lasts than to never have enjoy it at all period?" 

"I would think not" 

Always remember that those happiest times enjoyed past are always locked away in your memories and they can be relived whenever you want to relive them in your minds. They are what give us hope that there can be better things around the corner, even if there might not be yet. But they can get you through the day and they sure help me when I am feeling down and out. 

Now "commit" yourself (not to a mental institution, I hope) to allowing yourself to "let go" of all the past baggage and engage the idea that you are willing to be happy with the what is right now. I know this will sound like complete B.S. especially if you're dealing with a very difficult situation in life. Some words cannot be of great solace to some; but I believe that regardless of whatever your lot in life is, you still have the upper hand in making the best of what you hand you were dealt with. 

Now 

"Commit right now to set yourself free of any baggage you have held onto, commit to a new idea about that could ease things your life, commit to allowing others to love you, commit to making changes with your health lifestyle, commit to just feeling okay right now, commit to loving others more, commit to giving yourself a break GODDAMIT! Commit to allowing to love for yourself with all your flaws "Commit, Commit, Commit, Commit!"

I cannot say enough of this word because it's an important one. If we cannot or are not willing to "let go" we cannot allow ourselves the personal luxury of "commitment", in my honest opinion. 

We can always back out of a commitment and most of us do, me included, but if give ourselves the chance to try to commitment, "we're on the right track, the right direction" We're allowing ourselves the chance to move on, "let go" of stuff so we can MOVE ON. 

Life is all about experiences; how we react to them, how we will deal with them and how will we make the best of what it is that we are given. But "nothing is set in stone" about us having to live unpleasant circumstances forever. That's why I love to tell myself during the hardest of times "Nothing is forever" It does give me great solace because there were times in my life when I truly felt like there was no way out and I was stuck, I still do at times, but in the end, I prevailed. And so can you. You just have to be willing to "let go" and "commit" to wanting any kind of changes occur and try to encourage them to happen, do some things to make them happen. Be proactive. Being proactive is not an easy task, I will say this is true but it's not impossible to do. I've always been a procrastinator with things in my life and when I let things fall to the way side, I feel this kind of clogging of the arteries, so to speak.  The feeling is like I'm not allowing things to flow as they should be. I feel like I'm withholding of which I am. 

It is never a good feeling for me to be withholding, withholding for me is like not allowing me to be at my truest potential. It's me not being "authentically" myself. I have long withheld things from others and I do not want you to make the same mistakes I have. Even though I cannot control anyone from doing this, I'm writing this because I do care. I care immensely. More than most people will ever know. But that is just me; I'm putting my heart on my sleeve since that's what I do; but I never fault myself for caring as much as I do. I cherish the fact that I care as much as I do for many people in my life and events that go on. 

Even right now, thinking of "caring" and "giving a damn" means so much to me. Not long ago, I had called my mother I had to tell her something that I don't think she would have ever expected to hear from me say to her.  But I thanked her for giving me this great capacity to "care" and "have empathy" for others. I thanked for being such an extraordinary individual that taught me that caring is so paramount in this life we live right now. A life without caring is a life that is selfish and completely devoid of purpose. That is not a life I choose for myself and I am committed to continue on with caring, having empathy for others, that's me. "Is that you?" I think you know that it is very true for a lot of you out there as it is for me. 

As I get off my subject here and "being around my own block" as taken from the title of this post and my introduction on today's posting, It is important to allow one's self to "let go" of what is holding you back and to "commit" to what is going on to truly, I mean truly, make you feel better. 

Because "you cannot help anyone in this life at all or be of any use to anyone if you cannot save yourself first"

So "let go" and "commit" 

Try it for an hour, a day, a few minutes, maybe a week? "What do you got to lose?" 

Ending now for today, as we all know, living this life thing is not an easy one. But if you and I put up with the bumpy aspects with it and ride them out, the rewards or even roadblocks are so worth it. You do not grow unless you let yourself encounter them. 

I thank you for reading.

My warmest regards and love, 

Armando

This is not a rant blog; this is about what I think is most important to concentrate on in the here and now

I had thought long and hard about posting my thoughts online.
"Do I really want to?"
"Do I have anything truly worthy to say?"
"Does what I think and feel have any relevance to help any others?"

A few questions I have asked myself many times over and over. I have always wanted to be more than what I have allowed myself to be. I know there has always been more to me than just the facade that most that have encountered me to be in person.

I will admit though I am not the most enthusiastic person you could meet; I'm more of a church mouse than some rebel rouser, I am definitely a man with a lot of passion for what he believes in, whatever those things are in my life that have me beguiled.

I feel that writing out my feelings about life and how it should be lead are definitely worthy of an audience to read, re-read and consider "maybe this could apply to me?"
As I have wrote in my blog title description, "I am by no means a scholar nor an expert" but I am a survivor, a fighter, a person that doesn't give up when I think the chips are stacked against him. I don't believe in that mentality "It's me against the world" For me, "it's the world and all it's beauty and ugliness that is for me" so I can learn and grow as an individual.

I currently work in the insurance service industry and I have been doing so for almost 15 years now.
I can say that I have been pulled every which but loose in my various jobs within the line of work I have been doing.
I cannot say that I did not allow myself to be in my current status in life. I do believe that we do put ourselves in places where we need to be challenged. Sometimes these positions are places where do not want to be in at all.
For myself, it was having to learn to become assertive and forceful but in a most tactful manner that I have learned doing what I have been doing in my current line of work. I think to a point that once one has gained enough of the lesson and learned knowledge of what they needed to learn in that specific area in for our live that they must take that knowledge & life experience and MOVE ON.
We must MOVE ON to other things, other challenges in this life. We must move on or if we do not, in a subtle but dull painless way, we truly die as individuals.
Some things I may write here will come across as possibly or most probably as "preachy" "cliche" or even thought and said out aloud "I have heard that before, whatever!"
But as somethings in life, we move at different rates of speed in how we progress in our lives. We all do not get to the sames places we want to be at the same time. Sometimes some of can and do get to the point where we are most satisfied and for others, well, they are still in the process of getting to that place and it's a bumpy ride, to say the least.

As I have gotten older and wiser (I would like to think and believe no doubt), I am really realizing the importance of being "authentically" myself.

Some people could probably careless about the thought of becoming "authentically" themselves. Some think and feel "I'm already there. This is me. Take it or leave it!"

Well, folks, depending on the extent of your happiness or lack thereof (some will know this is true if you ask yourself this). You might or may be as content or happy as you might think you are.
But do allow yourself this question to cross your mind "Am I truly happy and am I being "authentically" myself?"
You must really dig deep into yourself to get this answer and do let whatever comes up, come out.
Then allow yourself to think about it, say it out aloud or write it down on a piece of paper or even better, type into a word document. After you wrote it, put it away and then come back to it later in the day or maybe the next day or week from now. But come back to it and then see how you are feeling right then  and then read what you wrote. It can be rather amazing how what you thought about yourself might totally be off kilter from what you really know about yourself deep down inside in that exact moment you over a week ago, a month ago, a day ago after reading what you wrote down.

"Are you to a point being "authentically" whom you are and want to be?"

That's an important question to ask one's self.  If you can honestly answer that question and feel satisfied with the answer; good. For me personally, I'm never satisfied. "But is to become satisfied enough?" Yes and no. It all depends. I'll go into more in detail soon.
But if you can answer that question and you have this nagging feeling that you may not be up to your true potential of as a human being in this life right now; then by all means continue to read on. I want to share with you my thoughts, feelings and insights from my perspective. I really feel I have some important things to say, even if some of what I will write about has been said before. As Shakespeare once wrote "there is nothing new under the sun" and so true that is. But I feel it's always worth repeating important things that we might all take for granted. I know for me, personally, I have taken granted of a lot of good things I have had or currently have in my life. Now I see them for what they are and I cherish them more; people, material items, friends, just the thought that I am loved in this very moment.

"Do I have the ability to be more than what I am right now?"

I would say with absolute honesty "YES!"  I feel that as people of this universe that we live in; we are so capable of loving more, giving more to others and truly loving ourselves more (THEE MOST PARAMOUNT OF ALL).
The thought that some of us, me included, berating ourselves for things in our lives that are beyond our control, didn't do, should've done, etc...  just pains me. I know this all too well, the berating of myself for what I am not. But I know that I cannot continue to allow this to be for my own well-being anymore. It's a true soul crusher. Do not allow you or anyone to crush your soul.
We all were most likely brought up in families with mind sets that you need to be "here" or "there" at this certain age or stage of your life. And if you're not, "you're a failure" This is truly some bad horrific thoughts and feelings one can bestow upon themselves.
In this life, some do get the chance to fulfill that dream while a lot of us do not.  At least, not yet.
Most of us, we're still getting there. Some may get there and some of us may not. Life isn't fair but it doesn't have to be a burden to endure either.
But if we can only allow ourselves a complete break from that very agonizing, useless thought "I should be here at this age, why am I not?" then we can free ourselves of the chains that have honestly held us back from being "authentically" ourselves. For that question which has so agonized us for so long, has held us back. Being held back is something I do not respond well to and I'm sure most of you agree, it really pisses the hell out of you too.

So once again, I want to invite you all into my world of thoughts and feelings about how I feel life should be lead. I think I have grown more as a person deeply by my mistakes, miss-haps and missteps, becoming more "authentically" myself; which to me is PARAMOUNT. Making errors in life is learning and growing. Nobody is perfect and to know that truth is absolutely WONDERFUL. We are all not alone in this life thinking "Oh this person is perfect, they have it all" Well, dear ones, "They do not" There will always be something that most of us think that others have and in some areas that we do not know of, they, too, are lacking. I will discuss this more soon and in more detail later on. I have a lot to say on this particular subject.

Now getting back to what I want to say here, if we do not allow ourselves, OUR god-given/universe-given/whatever your belief system is-given, RIGHT; then "why even bother to consider moving onwards with this journey we call life?" (I hate using the word "journey" since it's so over used now it's not funny but let me use it here, behoove me that right to use a word that makes me what to projectile vomit truth be told. I will think of a better word to use instead soon).

So folks, come (again I invite you) and follow me into my many days, weeks, months and years upcoming into my belief system.

I am "no religion", "I am no leader", "I am not perfect" but "I am trying and being more "authentically" myself" just writing what I feel right in this very moment. For this moment right now is all that we truly have.  Always remember that as people we all aspire to each and every day to be what we want to be like I do and struggle with as well.
No one is putting a gun to your head telling you to change your life right here and now. No one is saying to you will perish if you do not go in a particular direction in life, at least I will not tell you that.
But I will tell you what I have learned so far and what I really think we need to concentrate more on.

Being more "authentically" ourselves.

I give you my peace, love and admiration because you're all worthy of it.

Most sincerely,
Armando