I will say that I have a lot of things swirling around my head when I'm in most busiest states like "I'm on the treadmill" or I am about to go to sleep. Two times when I have the most peace and quiet and I really think stuff out. I wished I had a pad and paper or this computer keyboard with me so I could write out what I'm thinking; but alas I do not.
I want to post more and I will. But, for at least, this morning, I will write, "This won't won't be a one hit to few hit wonder for me" on writing.
Being a writer or trying become one has alway been something I wanted to do; allowing myself to write something worthwhile. While, of course, my subject matter about "life" does seem like a tall order to serve up; it isn't really. It is just me being honest about what I think about it. Which, at times, I am having a hell of a time with it; it's not fun; it's not what I thought it would be when I thought being an "adult" should be as a kid, it's not this or that, the list goes on.
Life isn't fair and sometimes I think we play a huge part in that, believe it or not. We may not think we're a player in this game of life and how we move our game piece matters; but it does. I know I could've picked a different game in life or picked a better game piece like that cool little hot rod in the game of Monopoly! But I didn't. But I can choose different now; we all can. Life can still be unfair as it is; but we don't have to be "a victim" to it any longer. "Why?"
I like to just move on, in my head literally, and try to allow the things that irk me roll off my back. Sometimes this is a hard thing to do; but it is possible when things are rough going. This past week, the past two days have been kind of rough; a lot expected of me and given some latitude with less interruption "GREAT!" But there's always a price you pay if you don't give out results.
"Results" do they really mean a lot if they are not results that you choose for yourself? "No, not really" But if you need a paycheck and the other choice is possibly the unemployment line, "I'm sure you'll put up with petty results" Okay, I'm sounding a bit negative here and that's not quite the feeling I want go give off here; like I said "This is not going to be a rant blog" and it's not.
But I do like to observe and call things for what they are. Sometimes "numbers are numbers" and "numbers are diddly squat" in my book. They don't really truly measure the individual at all. They don't show how hard the person truly is doing what they are doing, how truly in earnest they are doing a good job done well. But these times that we live in, that doesn't appear to matter anymore. "Kind of sad, huh?"
I try to not let get me down and nor should you. The pendulum always swings back and forth and in time, whatever is pulling your hair out will go out the door to be replace with some peace for a short while. But never feel stuck in what you are doing because like I said before "nothing is forever"
Yesterday I felt this strange great sadness in my heart; I couldn't get it out of my mind and my pit of my stomach till I called my mom; whom I had neglected to call for the past two weeks (I know "bad son!") But I don't want to make myself feel bad about that aspect; I got to talk to my mom and then things started to kind of lift up sadness wise. I realized that what was making me sad was my putting myself into isolation of the ones that love me in my life.
Recently I had reconnected with a very good friend and that friend of mine was a very good friend, we did all kinds of stuff together that best friends do and we lost touch almost over 8 years ago till recently. Things have been rough for my friend. I got to a point where I allowed myself to forgive myself for letting the friendship fall to the wayside. I always thought it was me that created the drift apart but lo and behold "it wasn't me" It was just "time" Lives change in different paths and we do move on whether we want to or not. We try hard to hold onto the present with some friends but some situations are truly "beyond our control" We drift apart because of "special circumstances" They are not what we want to happen but they do. But we must not allow ourselves to mire in guilt for these things happening.
But as that prodigal son story from the bible, "the prodigal son is welcomed back with open arms" and open arms is how I felt with my reconnection with my long lost best friend. I wished things were going better for him but for the time I have him; I'm grateful that he is here and he is grateful to just hear my voice on the phone. That little bit, a small step in reconnecting with a past life is worth more to me than a damned bottle of pricey cologne which I'm always clamoring for. The objects of desire that had me enthralled seem to have been pulled off to the wayside for more important things like friendship, keeping in better in touch with family members, being there for your spouse/partner, being there for the important things in life.
Because in the end, what it all boils down to "numbers don't mean NOTHING" They don't give you the true measure of the individual. We do that for each other as individuals for one another. How we treat each other matters more than "numbers" "Numbers" do matter in other things; but not when it comes to the way we treat one another.
"Lord, knows there are many people in my life I could honestly do without seeing every day" and I/we can't do a single thing it because since we have to due to it being work or some other type of situation. It's like the saying goes with family, "you can't choose your family members" Sometimes you wished you could have but you can't. I can say I am very blessed that my family members, even though they do have their issues at times, I am glad they are part of my family. I know some of us are not so fortunate and that sort of pains me but "we can't fix everything and everyone in life" This I can say is that we at "be there" and listen for those few/many like they can do the same for you that you. Just be there for them as they would be they for you. Plain and simple.
Sometimes we have people in our lives, whether they be near or far, family or friend or acquaintance of some sort and they just seem so hard to penetrate, in regards, to helping them get through their particular current quandary in life. You try to console but they don't listen. All you can do is let them be. You can listen or can choose not to listen (pretend you're on the phone or in an email write "uh-huh, oh yeah") and just "be there" even for those "lost folks" For hopefully one day, they will "get it" and move on in their own lives.
Being stuck, literally royally sucks. I know LITERALLY. I'm there at this point in my life but that same phrase comes into my mind every day that keeps me going "nothing is forever" remember that phrase. "Really"
Because even when it feels like you're going through the darkest of times, always know there really is that proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel" ahead. It is there, if you want it to be. Or it might not be because you're not allowing yourself to see it? You know what is true for you.
Today is just another day in this life and even though I don't expect it be "fantastically wonderful" I know it's just another day where I will do my best and move on. And from there, even with me writing about this right now, this in some ways could be a catalyst to change for my own self as the same for you reading this. You just do not know what is around the corner and sometimes that is a really good thing to know. Good, bad or indifferent, knowing that something different around the corner is a lot better than being stuck in a state of stagnation. I love movement. Movement means you're "moving on" "DUH! as most will say when reading this!"
Nothing is more wonderful to know that you are never stuck where you're at in life. It's just a matter of when you're ready to pick up your stuff and move on over a space or two or three or four or more to get to where you want to be. Just doing something whether it be looking for another line of work or simply changing your mind about something can make a huge difference in the direction you will be moving on in your life. These same words also keep in me check because, I too, need to hear them, read them. We all have some pretty good advice to give to others "Why not take our own for a change?"
"Couldn't hurt, couldn't it?"
Well, those are my few or many words for today. I didn't think that I had that much in me for this morning "Well Thank God/Universe/Whatever and Whomever Watches this Life" for that!"
I thank you for reading.
Sincerely and with love,
Armando
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